Dear Michael, Please find enclosed your EoMC test results….

Inspired by Headteacher Rachel Tomlinson’s end of year letter to all her students at Barrowford Primary School in Lancashire (which has gone viral on the interweb, and is itself inspired by a letter written by the American Kimberley Hurd ),  I felt strongly that Michael Gove deserved his own similar, special  letter after all he has done for to education.

Dear Michael

nr. Greta Bridge

15 July 2014

Dear Michael,

Please find enclosed your EoMC (End of Ministerial Career) test results. We are very proud of you as you demonstrated huge amounts of commitment and tried your very best during these tricky four years.

However, we are concerned that these tests do not always assess all of what it is that makes you special and unique. The people who create these tests and score them do not know you… the way your fellow ideologues do, the way I do, and certainly not the way teachers do.

They do not know that you speak fluently the languages of command and control. They do not know that you made playing a musical instrument or dancing or painting a picture a privileged pastime for rich kids rather than a rich and valuable experience for all our children. They do not know that your friends counted on you to revolutionise ruin the educational system or that your condescending smile can drear the brightest day. They do not know that you rap embarrassingly, play politics with our children’s lives, care little about their future, or that sometimes you close someone’s brother’s or sister’s school.

They do not know that you have travelled to a really dark place or that you know how to tell a great lie or that you really love spending time with your family members and friends in special measures.

They do not know that you can be domineering, doctrinaire and downright despotic, and that you try, every day, to be your oleaginous best… the scores you get will tell you something, but they will not tell you everything.

Your obedient servant

Wackford Squeers BDSM